*Before you read this post, I just have to say that I missed blogging. But more than that, I missed reading your blogs. I know I have a lot of posts to read through for all of you, in order to catch up with what's happening with you guys. I truly missed y'all.*
A couple of years ago, I went through a very difficult struggle. It was beset with grief, pain, suffering, and many sleepless, crying nights. But through it all, I learned a valuable and beautiful lesson. It was such a precious experience for me that I did not hesitate to say, "If given a chance to go through it all again, exactly as it happened before, I would."
Who would have thought that that "prayer" would be answered? Certainly not I. For even though I meant what I said, that I would go through it all again, I said it believing that it's not going to happen. But it did happen.
I can't tell you in detail all that happened before and all that is happening now. But let me just tell you, it's frighteningly familiar. Most of the things that happened in that fateful year are happening in the exact same way this year. I'm truly living a day-to-day (okay, I'm exaggerating. maybe it's week-to-week) deja vu experience. It's surreal. It's almost funny.
And (I know this is not my religious, reflective blog, but one or two of you know what I'm talking about, so I'm putting this up here) I am so awed by the power of God. I cannot attribute this to anyone or anything but Him. I wish I can tell you all the weird things that happened then and are happening now. But, for reasons I cannot disclose, I can't. :-(
I feel like I starred in a soap opera for a year and now I'm starring in the same soap opera, with the same story line. It's not like I'm watching re-runs of the soap. But it's like I'm filming it all over again. Even though it's been filmed before! (I know this doesn't make sense but I hope you get the gist).
I don't understand why it's happening again or why it had to happen again. Why, of all my prayers, this is the one He chose to answer? I mean, He could have ignored that petition of mine, right? It wasn't like I asked Him, "Let me go through it all again." I just said "IF GIVEN A CHANCE." But one thing's for sure, I see how powerful He is. He truly can disturb the order of the world, just for His will to be done. I mean, these are not random events. These are specific events, involving several people, that are happening again!
Sigh! I don't understand God. I know I never will. He, Himself, said, "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts." (Is 55:9)
All I can do right now is trust that there's a reason and a purpose for all that's happening right now. I won't know what that reason and purpose is, until the time He chooses to reveal that to me.
One thing's for sure though, despite the fact that everything's happening exactly the same way it did before, my reactions to the situations I'm faced with are different. I haven't experienced grief, pain, suffering, and many sleepless, crying nights. Hopefully, the outcome of this "repeat performance" will be different than the one before. But even if it did end up having the same outcome, at least I know that God is powerful enough to humor me by allowing me to go through again something that I said I would, if given a chance. :-)
That's all folks!
A couple of years ago, I went through a very difficult struggle. It was beset with grief, pain, suffering, and many sleepless, crying nights. But through it all, I learned a valuable and beautiful lesson. It was such a precious experience for me that I did not hesitate to say, "If given a chance to go through it all again, exactly as it happened before, I would."
Who would have thought that that "prayer" would be answered? Certainly not I. For even though I meant what I said, that I would go through it all again, I said it believing that it's not going to happen. But it did happen.
I can't tell you in detail all that happened before and all that is happening now. But let me just tell you, it's frighteningly familiar. Most of the things that happened in that fateful year are happening in the exact same way this year. I'm truly living a day-to-day (okay, I'm exaggerating. maybe it's week-to-week) deja vu experience. It's surreal. It's almost funny.
And (I know this is not my religious, reflective blog, but one or two of you know what I'm talking about, so I'm putting this up here) I am so awed by the power of God. I cannot attribute this to anyone or anything but Him. I wish I can tell you all the weird things that happened then and are happening now. But, for reasons I cannot disclose, I can't. :-(
I feel like I starred in a soap opera for a year and now I'm starring in the same soap opera, with the same story line. It's not like I'm watching re-runs of the soap. But it's like I'm filming it all over again. Even though it's been filmed before! (I know this doesn't make sense but I hope you get the gist).
I don't understand why it's happening again or why it had to happen again. Why, of all my prayers, this is the one He chose to answer? I mean, He could have ignored that petition of mine, right? It wasn't like I asked Him, "Let me go through it all again." I just said "IF GIVEN A CHANCE." But one thing's for sure, I see how powerful He is. He truly can disturb the order of the world, just for His will to be done. I mean, these are not random events. These are specific events, involving several people, that are happening again!
Sigh! I don't understand God. I know I never will. He, Himself, said, "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts." (Is 55:9)
All I can do right now is trust that there's a reason and a purpose for all that's happening right now. I won't know what that reason and purpose is, until the time He chooses to reveal that to me.
One thing's for sure though, despite the fact that everything's happening exactly the same way it did before, my reactions to the situations I'm faced with are different. I haven't experienced grief, pain, suffering, and many sleepless, crying nights. Hopefully, the outcome of this "repeat performance" will be different than the one before. But even if it did end up having the same outcome, at least I know that God is powerful enough to humor me by allowing me to go through again something that I said I would, if given a chance. :-)
That's all folks!
4 comments:
hi Venus. nice to hear from you again! :) welcome back!!! i hope whatever it is you're going through is something that would bring you to your greatest fulfillment, which likewise answers the world's greatest need. hohum. i learned something like that from the retreat...that we should pray that our greatest desires meet the world's greatest needs so we'd be happy. :) and that everything is a gift from God. God made everything else to help us. the rain is a gift, the warmth of the sun, the colors of flowers, etc. you get the idea. i had such a peaceful and restful time at the retreat. it was a silent retreat, and most of the time were spent on prayer. :) write more, more, more! hehehe. mwah!
welcome back binut! we missed you! =)
as for the repeat performance, gusto lang ni Lord na mag-smile ka at magsabing "naman eeeeh!" hehehe! iba talaga ang power ng prayers. =) at sabi nga nila, ask and you shall receive. ahehe!
Malou!!! Grabe! miss you na!!! :-) Thanks for your input. Those are beautiful thoughts. Jesuit retreat yan no? Silent eh! :-P
B-harbs, totoo yan sinabi mo. Ilang beses na ako nag "naman eeeeh!" dahil dito sa experience na ito. Pero, tama ang sinabi nila, "be careful what you wish for." Grabe! Kainis, yung mga pinagdadasal ko talaga, di naibibigay sa kin, 'yung mga nasabi ko lang for rhetorical effect, binibigay sa akin! :-P
Sister!
I know this is really late, as in! But I couldn't help to make a comment only because your thoughts hit home. E di nga ba, soul sisters tayo pagdating sa faith. Anyway, I just wanted to reiterate my support for you and anytime you feel your faith waning, I am just an IM away, hehehe
FERLIE
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