I'M BORED

Last week, it took me forever to write my personal narrative speech for my class. Today, I'm already done with my informative speech. And I finished it at work. Now I'm really bored. Hehe. It will be a while before I have anything else to do here at work. HELP!

UPDATES

For lack of creative juices, I'll keep the title of this post simple. Just want to update you on what has happened so far.

Beng, you asked in my "What to do? (x3)" post if I tried to redeem myself and I said I did but it might have been too late. Turns out, it wasn't too late. I believe (although it might be too early to say), I've been redeemed. :-P

And Beng, is absolutely right in saying I need to want to stop dancing. I think I do want to. But as soon as I'm in that situation ... I completely forget what it is that I want to do. Haha. So, I end up dancing ulit.

Hehe ... this post is not just for Beng ... sorry dear readers. :-P

So, the update: like I typed above, it's too early to tell where things are at and where they are going (as if they're going somewhere ... hopefully they are ... too much ranting here :-P). It's too early to make conclusions. But as of late, it seems that we're in good terms. What I did in "what to do? (x3)" caused him to be extremely uncomfortable with me. And he did do a little bit of dancing because of that. But, I guess 'coz he started to dance, I danced around with him. But when he stopped, I couldn't, because I (like Beng - si Beng na naman :-P - said) was used to it).

And now that I've somewhat redeemed myself, things are back to the way they were - There's certainty mixed with uncertainty. <-- it's always been like this and I suppose it will be like this for a while.

You gals are absolutely right in saying, I should just enjoy the ride. The problem with me is, after a loop or a twist or a turn, I end up analyzing. I ask questions like, "What did I do wrong there?" , "What could I have done better?" and "Where is this leading up?"

Now, I'm going to be still; I'm gonna stop thinking, stop dancing in the roller coaster; and I would just scream, "WHEE!"

Thanks fellow DOMINICAns for being here (though not literally) for me. *HUGZ*

THE DANCE - A REALIZATION

I've been thinking about what I wrote in my last post and the comment Malou left for that post. And I realized (actually, this dawned on me last night but did not have enough time to completely think about it) that I am the only one who was dancing around walls and barriers (as opposed to the rules and regulations that I wrote about in the last post) that I've erected for myself. My friend never danced around those walls and barriers, he would come straight to me.

I suppose that ANGST post was written BY me and FOR me.

I NEED TO STOP DANCING!

ANGST

Why do things have to be complicated
Why can't we be friends
We used to be such good friends before
But now that we've started dancing around
Some rules and regulations
You've stopped being my friend
And I've stopped being yours
It frustrates me
And I do not know how it's affecting you
So, I am asking and begging you
Can we please stop the dancing
And start being friends again

ATTEMPT AT EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED

This is difficult for me to write - not because I do not want to share it, but because I can't be very specific and detailed in posting about it. So, my dilemma is how to convey to you exactly what happened without giving you too much information.

So, here's the thing, someone hinted at something. Haha. Shucks! Ang labo, but that's all I can say. Try to figure out what that meant. But because that someone said it in a very cryptic way (kinda like a riddle), I did not get it. I thought it was a continuation of the joke that that someone started. Make sense? or am I confusing you even more? So, I responded in a way as to let that person know that the joke was not funny but I appreciated that that someone tried to make me laugh. But the "to make me laugh" part was left unsaid. Hence, "supalpal" yung kausap ko, and it was not my intention at all. I only understood it after the fact na. Hay! I can't say anything anymore. That's it for now! Lemme know if you have an inkilng as to what happened.

WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

What do you do when, after not understanding an information that came your way or its implications, you said the exact opposite of what you would want to say had you understood or decoded correctly the cryptic message you received? What do you do in this case when 5 days already passed since it happened? What do you do when the sender of the message stopped talking to you all of a sudden?

What to do? What to do? What to do?

ARRRGGGHHHHH! WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT COMING???

Why did I have to pretend I'm someone I'm not? Why did I have to "change" how I react to certain things? Why did I think I had to be "creative" in responding, when I could have just responded the way I used to respond?

ARRRGGGHHHHH! BECAUSE OF ALL THAT, I SCREWED UP BIG TIME!!!

What to do? What to do? What to do?

SIGH!

Life is ... SIGH!

WHEN GOD MADE YOU

Because I don't want to work on my first speech for my class, I decided to add stuff on my blogger side bar. So, the song playing on the background is my Wedding Song (only if the one I'll marry someday decides to use it) - When God Made You. The lyrics are up on the side bar too, in case you want to know. :-) Enjoy the music everyone!

KUYA ALVS

It's been 1 1/2 years since I last saw Kuya Alvs in LA. That's when I last saw Jane, Leng (not Beng =P), Janelle, Abby, and Sam, too. Anyway, on our first night in LA, Kuya Alvs arranged for us to go to a Gay Strip Club(?). I'm not sure anymore. He, apparently, wanted to take the so-called, "Santa Santita" and make her less of a "Santa Santita." If you haven't already guessed, the "Santa Santita" is, none other than, I.

So, we went there. I didn't know what to expect. From the looks of Jane and O'Neal, it's not a fun place to be at. Haha. But I guess, God protected His own "Santa Santita," as there wasn't any "show" that night. There were drag queens singing, but none of the excitement that Kuya Alvs wanted to expose me to. So, Kuya Alvs went home upset that I didn't get to do the one thing he wanted me to do.

Anyway, I was surprised to receive a phone call from Kuya Alvs tonight as I was driving home from school. Apparently, they were at that place again. And for some reason, he always associates me with that place. And he can't resist calling me, telling me to go visit LA so he can take me there on a night where they actually have "THE SHOW." Anyway, I thought that was funny. And I suddenly missed my high school classmates and mga ka-brother section. SIGH!

BUSY BUSY WEEK

So I'm starting school on Tuesday of next week. I'll have class on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. I'll be really busy for about a month and a half. So, I decided to make the most of this "last" week I have before going back to school. So, I scheduled something every single night of this week.

Monday night - had an SFC "upper" household meeting from 7:30 - 11 pm. Went home, then ended up chatting until 1 am.

Tuesday night - had coffee with Gnetski from 6:30 - 9:30 pm. And then I ended up chatting til 11 pm.

Wednesday night - had my night class at St. Cecilia's from 7:30 - 9:30 pm. I didn't chat this night, 'coz I wanted to sleep early. Guess how early is early for me? 11 pm.

Thursday night - had my household meeting. For the first time in so long, there were 6 of us (normally only 3 of us show up for our household meeting). Jen and Cza (been in SFC for more than 2 years) attended for the 1st time!!! We had a lot of fun. The meeting formally started at 8:30. We ate before that. And then we talked until around 12 mn. Got home at 12:30 am. Slept at 1 am.

So now, I'm really tired, and really sleepy. At lunch today, my co-worker Sachiko (a lady), kindly offered to give me a shoulder and neck massage. And I was very happy to accept that offer. She gives great massage! I didn't think I was that tired until I felt how stiff my muscles were. And now, I want an hour full-body massage. I'm thinking of scheduling it this weekend. I really need it!!! (can you tell how cranky I'm becoming?)

Tonight - I'm having dinner with Jen. Hopefully, I can be home by 9 pm tonight. I really want to rest.

Tomorrow morning - I'll be at the Fiesta Filipina event from 8 am - 2 pm. Apparently Wowowee will be there on Sunday. Too bad, I won't be there on Sunday. :-( Hopefully I'll get some rest on Saturday afternoon.

Sunday - I'll be attending Jen's graduation. Then we'll have dinner? I wonder how late I'll end up staying out.

Monday night - I'll be having dinner with Alaine. SIGH.

Tuesday night - It's Oni's birthday. They might have a celebration for him. But too bad, I'll be in class - my first day back in school!

So, that's my packed week! And now, I want to go home. SIGH!

CRYING BOUTS

I've been emotional lately. Harbie can attest to that. ;-) I guess, ever since the retreat I've gone to, all I want to do is cry. And I've been crying a lot lately. Thank God, I have allergies to pollen and it affects my eyes. So, my co workers think that my eyes are swollen because of allergic reactions to pollen. But in reality, it's because I cried my eyes out last night.

I thought that my reactions to the deja vu experiences I've been going through again are different from the last time. But they aren't. And last night I realized that there's still so much I have to learn. There are still lessons that I need to relearn. I thought I already learned them, but as it turns out, I haven't.

I'm grateful for moments of silence and crying. Because it teaches me how to get up from past mistakes and move on with my life, trying my best to avoid making the same mistakes again.

SWR: Such Wonder Radiating

I wrote a piece for our SFC website detailing my SWR (retreat) experience last year. I updated that piece, adding pictures to it to fully capture what the words are trying to say. I'm proud (not so much of the piece), but of the photos I took capturing the beauty of God's creation. Check it out on my Reflection blog. Lemme know what you think. Other photos are posted on my friendster site.

A BIT OF AN ADVENTURE

I'm not an adventurous person. I won't bungee jump or skydive. It's just not me. As my friend always says, I'm a structured person. I don't usually go beyond the structure I've built for myself over the years.

I like comfort zones. I like staying in them. It's funny how people in SFC think that my bestfriend is the one who never gets out of her comfort zone. It's funny they don't recognize that I, too, hide within my comfort zone most of the times.

Yesterday, I was a bit different. I stepped a bit out of my comfort zone and truly enjoyed the experience. I work at a pretty developed place in the City (though not the downtown, financial center area), where there are a lot of shops, and wonderful places to eat.

Last night, a former co-worker of mine and I agreed to have dinner. She asked where I wanted to go. I told her, I'm fine with anything as long as it's not Japanese. I was already thinking of the usual places we go to near our work, trying to guess which one she will end up choosing. Imagine my surprise when she said, "Cheesecake Factory?"

What's wrong with Cheesecake Factory, you ask? I love the Cheesecake Factory. I love their food and their Cheesecake. But, it's in downtown San Francisco. And though I love the San Francisco downtown area, I don't go there by myself. And never have I driven to that area by myself. It's an area that I'm not too familiar with - where to park (there's not much parking around that area), where the shops are, how to get there, and how to get back home.

But I said yes to her, though I was really expecting that she was going to come to where I work 'coz it's close to her home anyway. So, I looked up the directions to the Cheesecake Factory. I looked for the nearest parking garage. And headed off, by myself, to the Cheesecake Factory (drama ko ba? I'm just not used to going off on my own to an area I'm not familiar with).

I followed the directions, and I actually enjoyed driving through streets that have never been charted by me. I was looking at the buildings and the places, and started wondering, why haven't I driven here before?

I got to the place early and reserved our place. I had to wait for my friend for about an hour. And though I feared that I would feel looking foolish waiting by myself at the Cheesecake Factory, for some reason I didn't. Makapal na mukha ko. YAY! :-)

Anywho, my friend finally got there. We ordered Avocado Roll (I guess this is only in Cali?), Salad for her (she's on a diet), Pasta with Pesto, Chicken and Mushroom for me, then we shared a Godiva Cheesecake. I was so full!!! I couldn't even walk.

I'm glad she chose Cheesecake Factory. And I'm glad I went even though it meant I needed to step out my comfort zone a bit. :-)

*`*`*`*`*

Last night, I was chatting with my cousin. She sent me a music file of her cousin playing the piano and singing. It sounded like Bukas Palad even though there was only one person singing. He mixed all his voices. And it was so beautiful.

I, for reasons unbeknownst to me, was uninhibited last night (I didn't drink at the Cheesecake Factory, I swear). I asked my cousin if her cousin has a gf. And she ended up being the middle woman for us both.

We were both joking. And I hope we both know that. :-P Anywho, that's something I won't normally do - joke around with some unknown guy and let him know I'm interested in him. I'm such a serious person, I don't know how to joke. But last night, I did. =)

*pats myself on the back*