WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW

God closes a door.

Two years ago, I gave a sharing at an SFC Chapter Assembly of how God "postponed" my plans to get into medical school because He planned for me to join Singles for Christ, where I experienced my relationship with Him grow in a new and different way, where I met great friends, and where I learned about God, life, and love.

That was how I've always seen it. God was just postponing my plans for medical school, so I can meet more friends, grow in love for Him and for my brothers and sisters in Christ, and serve Him through SFC. And so I waited for that anticipated time when God will finally tell me, "GO!" when I ask, "God, medical school???" (imagine that said with a hopeful tone).

For many months I've asked, "God, medical school?" And all I heard was dead silence. So I figured, God still wants me to do some things I wouldn't be able to do once I'm in medical school. But just last year, when I asked, "God, medical school?," I finally heard an answer. It wasn't the answer I was waiting for, though it sounded like it. God said, "NO!" rather than "GO!" God closed a door on my dreams of becoming a doctor. And I cried.

I cried even though I know that God has a wonderful plan for me - a better plan than that I concocted, a plan greater than I could ever hope for, imagine, or dream of. I cried because a piece of me died. I lost part of myself. You see, I've always dreamed of becoming a doctor - since the young age of 7 years old. And that dream never left me. When my classmates were busy writing Mrs. FirstName LastName - Crush'sLastName, I was busy writing Dr. Venus Catherine Manalo, MD. But apparently, that would never be.

Now that I was thrown off the career path I've been treading, I felt so lost. I had no idea what I would end up doing for the rest of my life. I thought of several things, seven to be exact. But God helped me see that those weren't what He wanted for me.

1) I thought of becoming a religion teacher. Learning about the Catholic Faith and sharing it is a passion of mine, so why not make a living out of it? As I took classes at the Catholic Studies Institute, I realized it's not what I want to do.

2) I thought of becoming a spiritual director. I don't know what they do, but I thought maybe it could be my future career. But I couldn't bear the thought of being in a field outside of the scientific community. You see, I breathe and live science.

3) I thought of becoming a therapist, after all I like asking, "How do you feel about it? Why do you feel that way?" But I realized I do not want to be in a job where I would not have a steady source of income.

4) I thought of getting a Ph.D. in Biological Sciences. I'll be a doctor and I'll remain in the scientific community, but I realized I did not want to deal with grant applications from the NIH to get funding for the research projects I'll end up doing.

5) I thought of becoming a nurse practitioner (NP), after all nursing is a lucrative career. And an NP is as close as you can get to being a doctor. But for whatever reason, it just didn't feel right.

6) I thought of staying at my job, but moving to a biotech company and maybe earn more money. But I knew that I wanted to go back to school.

7) The last career option is a bit of a joke. It reflects my bratty attitude towards God at times. I told God that if He gives me a filthy rich husband, then I'll just be a housewife. Because it seemed like He had no plans for me. But I knew that that wasn't really the case.

God opens a window.

Last year, in November, as God showed signs of losing patience at my impatience in waiting for the "unveiling" of God's plan for my career, I promised Him that I would not talk about career plans for the whole of 2006. I told Him that I trust in His goodness and wisdom so I will just wait for the unfolding of His will in my life, as patiently as I could.

I stayed true to my promise, hard as it was for me. I didn't talk to God about career paths I could take. Then one day, the morning of Easter Sunday, God surprised me by actually talking to me about a career path He wanted me to take through my uncle who was visiting from Sacramento.

Normally my uncle would just blurt out unsolicited suggestions and opinions about what I should do with my life whenever he is in town. But that morning was different. Instead of giving me his suggestion, he first asked me a question, "Kate, do you know what you want to do with your life?" I was taken aback for that question came from absolutely nowhere. I told him that I had no idea what I want for my life so I'm open to hearing any suggestions. And then he said, "Go to pharmacy school." It came across to me as more of an order than a suggestion. And I thought, "Pharmacy school ... hmm ... chemistry ... that's actually a good idea!"

I love Chemistry. My mom, who is a Chemical Engineer, instilled a love for Chemistry in me at such a young age. Just when I learned how to spell W-A-T-E-R, she told me that water is also "H 2 O." And that boggled my mind. I asked her, "How can water be H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O?" She said, "not H to O, but H 2 O." As a kid, you weren't taught that numbers can go between the letters to form words. She explained to me that water has 2 hydrogens (hence H2) and one Oxygen (hence O). Of course, I only remembered that explanation when I actually studied Chemistry in High School. Soon after that H2O incident, I was chanting, "SALT - N-a-C-l; VINEGAR - C-H-3-C-O-O-H; BAKING SODA - N-a-H-C-O-3, etc."

Chemistry is something I love learning about and doing. And since pharmacy is all about chemistry, that career path actually makes sense for me. The following day, I went to the UCSF website to check it out. I wanted to know what the requirements are for getting into the Pharmacy program. I also wanted to know how long the "masteral" program would take. To my surprise (God is certainly full of surprises), I learned that it's not a "masteral" program, but rather, a DOCTORAL program. And I had to smile.

Though God closed the doors on my dream of becoming Dr. Venus Catherine Manalo, MD; He opened a window for me to become Dr. Venus Catherine Manalo, PharmD.

Truly, God knows our heart's greatest desires. And truly, He grants all the desires of our hearts, not in the way we envisioned it, but in a much better way - HIS Way.