Sometimes, words would just come out of my mouth, without knowing where they came from and why. On Thursday, these words came out of my mouth as I was putting a 2.8 L flask onto a 30 degree shaker (I was at work, in case you're wondering):
I have no future except that which He prepared for me
I have no identity except that which He gives me
I am who I am because of who He made me to be
And it didn't make sense. As I was driving home, I prayed to Him and said, "God, you have effected too many changes within me. Next time, can You do it slowly, please?"
I don't know who I am anymore. What used to be the norm for me is now the exception. It's weird.
People find it weird. I find it weird.
People are trying to figure out what caused the sudden changes. I am trying to figure out what caused the sudden changes.
Sadly, I do not have concrete answers.
And because I have no identity, I feel I no longer have a future. I'm stuck where I am at. And it's not pretty. And I guess this came from Him - an assurance - that my identity and my future comes from Him. I just have to wait until they are fully given to me.
I have no future except that which He prepared for me
I have no identity except that which He gives me
I am who I am because of who He made me to be
And it didn't make sense. As I was driving home, I prayed to Him and said, "God, you have effected too many changes within me. Next time, can You do it slowly, please?"
I don't know who I am anymore. What used to be the norm for me is now the exception. It's weird.
People find it weird. I find it weird.
People are trying to figure out what caused the sudden changes. I am trying to figure out what caused the sudden changes.
Sadly, I do not have concrete answers.
And because I have no identity, I feel I no longer have a future. I'm stuck where I am at. And it's not pretty. And I guess this came from Him - an assurance - that my identity and my future comes from Him. I just have to wait until they are fully given to me.
3 comments:
Maybe I am strange but I do not find your comments weird at all. :-)
As Christians, I believe that we are called to find our primary identity as sons and daughters of our Father. To seek our identity in anything else is foolishness.
For example, let me share with you something which I shared last Saturday when I was asked to give my life testimony at the BCBP breakfast here in Bacolod.
I am an Ateneo graduate. I graduated in 1998 with a Bachelor of Science, majoring in Computer Science. All of the major companies, such as Proctor & Gamble, Unilever PRC, Andersen Consulting (now Accenture) were aggressively trying to recruit us. It would have been so easy to get a job had I chosen to remain in the Philippines and pursue my career here.
And it got to my head.
When I came to the US, no one here had ever heard of my university. It took me several months to find a job (and this was when Silicon Valley startups were still booming). I was getting tired and I was starting to second-guess myself and my worth.
But after some prayer and a lesson from God to trust in Him, I got a job. A job which I enjoy doing. A job I continue to do today.
If we put our identity in things of this world, these can fail. Wealth, school reputations, work reputations, our family names, all of these could be taken away from us in an instant.
But our identity as sons and daughters of God will not fade. He loves us too much to ever let this go.
So my prayer for is that we may all learn to embrace and find our identities as sons and daughters of God.
I closed my sharing on Saturday with this verse from the bible, and I think I am going to end this comment with it:
"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NAB)
(Yikes, I am starting to sound too much like a preacher. :-P)
where you were back then kuya junby, is where i am now. =P i moved in here last august. left my family, friends, career, everything... behind. new life. it's been 5 months now, still no work. so every morning, i just say a little prayer. God answers prayers, never too late, and will never be too soon. =)
i'm happy, but i don't know what i want in life right now. i blame it on quarter life crisis. hehe!
Kuya Junby - preacher is good. :-) Just don't do it in front of Tatang. Sabi nga niya, "we're not yet preachers." Hehe.
Beng - Hay! Pareho tayo. Di ko din alam kung ano gusto ko sa buhay. Ganda nung thought na iyon ah. And it makes sense. We're going through a quarter life crisis!!! Hehe. :-) Pero don't worry, we'll find the answers soon enough.
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